Stuffography The Long Way Home


The Long Way Home

Granada Television/Sony M 1989


by The First Convergence

Is Dave Stewart the Anti-Boris? Unfortunately, no. That would be too easy.

Watch the boy get fully manipulated by the Sad Western Recording Industry Machine. This film unintentionally gives the viewer access to full understanding of the "Why? Why? Why?" behind Radio Silence. High points:

  • Boris' wardrobe. Yow.
  • Gakkel' storms out of a recording session. (They should have left the cameras rolling.)
  • Boris at the Banya—fun for the ladies!!!
  • Boris does the proto hand puppet. Çìåÿ! Çìåÿ!
  • Rooftop St. Petersburg.
  • Gakkel' rides his bike & visits his mom.
  • Boris does a hedgehog impression.
  • Boris' muscle shirt—for the Ladies!!!
  • Boris' leather cemetery pants—for the Ladies!!
  • Chrissie Hynde vs. Annie Lennox. Meow. Meow. It's all downhill from here.
  • "Silver of My Lord" among the rocks.
  • Mezh-Kniga schmooze-a-thon.
  • The Akvarium Sex Tent! Watch the heads fly.
  • Little Forelock preview.
  • Talkin'Boris Nature Buddha Blues.
  • "If you want to make me paranoid, you will not succeed." -- Boris to Kenny
  • "Fields of My Luff…nu chto?" — Gakkel'
  • Dave failing to communicate with the band.
  • Dave succeeding in communicating with the band.
  • Gakkel is the Walrus.

Low points:

  • Watching passable acoustic Boris English-language songs die in the studio.
  • Kenny Kenny Kenny. Mighty uptighty whitey.
  • "You can do anything in America… can you make me sound like Eeeg-y Pop…(giggle)." — Boris
  • "But he doesn't sound like Ahh-gy Pop atal." — Bean-Spinning Engineer in revealing panties.

Reality points:

  • Art talks about his saucer-eyed daughter.
  • Momma Borisa tells him to be more like Elvis. He says he can only do what he does. She sighs.
  • Momma ambiguously reviews Radio Silence. Ignore the subtitles. Various folks hint at problems with the album.
  • "It's just Boris and Boris and Boris… and everything depends on him." — Pyotr
  • Gakkel', Sage of Leningrad, speaks the truth again and again and again. "I think it is better he should do just a solo acoustic album."
  • Manu Guiot has no lingham.
  • 80's Disco in the background during a recording break. A telling moment.
  • "People will say Dave Stewart ruined what could have been a good folk album." — Dave Stewart
  • "Looks like somebody's been in America too long." — Dave Stewart
  • Dave in crappy rabbit hat.
  • Perestroika = Heinekin.
  • And the drinking word for this album is…"Child"

Lesson learned: You can be censored by the apparatchiks. You can be fooled by the players. In the end, there's no difference: you're Makarevich, you're Johnny Cougar, you're Radio Silence. Maybe Kenny Schaeffer is the Anti-Boris. "You are getting closer to perfection every second."